The Paradox of Wildness Inside

The mystery and paradox of wildness inside. It speaks like water.

It wills you to hear it. It gurgles, it whispers, it crashes, it roars, it drips.
Its silence and stillness can be deafening.

It is dangerous and deadly.
We die a slow death without it.

It cleanses us, it cleanses everything it touches. It puts out fires.
And, it can be its own fire, destroying everything in its path, a torrential and unrelenting force.

It goes everywhere and can show up unannounced.
It moves through the darkest caves, the dimmest of places and into the lightest of ether.
Wisps of clouds.

It reflects.
It rejuvenates.
It replenishes.

We go to the ends of the earth to bear witness to its beauty, its magnitude, its inspiration.

This is the paradox of the wildness inside.

Kate Randall
And the Branches Will Push Toward the Light

We are like the trees
Even when planted
with domestication in mind
with the idea that we will stay firmly planted in our respected rows
Our wildness shows
It shows in the roots that upend the roads
In the branches that reach in all directions
Not just in conformity with the other trees

It is the wildness of the trees that allow them to find the light and warmth of the sun,
Stretching and reaching,
Twisting and contorting
branches
pushing through rocks, crevasses and shade
so that the full rays of the sun hit just so
and the tree can flourish.

Path of Wild.jpg
Kate Randall
I Am That - Our Next Inner Wild
eye.jpg

our next inner wild immersion
coming up next month in San Diego
May 18 and 19

a deep dive into source
the part that remains untamed
transcending limits
eye of the storm
center of center
I of the eye

I am that

Kate Randall
inferno

from Kate:

today's musing on wildness:

she can be quite provocative
or make you uncomfortable
she's defiant and fierce
and while her voice may rupture
her silence may make you burn
from the inside out
an exhale can incinerate
how dare you
an inferno
raging
#innerwild

photo by Sally Mann

Kate Randall
sand castles

from Jennifer:
My wild and I.
We tussle, we grope, we stumble and prance.

On the beach as a kid. I’d spend hours building beautiful sand castles with moats and high towers.
But my favorite part?
Jumping on the sand castle at the end of the day, smashing the preciousness of my own creation.
Feeling the sand squish between my toes and the arc of my legs as they would spring downward, condensing the sand from castle to sinkhole.
Such satisfaction.

Secretly, I loved watching when the tide came in and washed away the etchings in the sand, the sand castles, the human creations. There was something so cleansing about knowing that no matter what we created, it would be smoothed over and returned to the beach and to the ocean.

This dance between destruction and creation is where my inner wild child resides. Sometimes, it’s not even clear what’s being destroyed and what’s being created.

Unmanifested vs manifested. Control versus the uncontrollable.

Wildness.

#innerwild

Kate Randall
the swing

from Kate:
on the topic of wild
my inner wild child loves to swing
i spent hour and hours in the backyard
the ropes were long and allowed a lot of movement
the tease of almost taking flight
over and over again
body in space
altered state
exhilaration
ecstatic
solitude

Kate Randall
unpredictable

from Kate:
on the topic of wild
horses
i read the black stallion books
i read the misty of chincoteague books
we even went to assateague island
to see the wild horses up close
beautiful remote and mysterious

i watched cappuccino be born out in the barn
she learned how to nurse and walk and run
i learned her body and her smell
she was wild for a while
until she was broken
tamed
only sort of

her wild was unpredictable
sometimes so funny and curious and warm
she would knicker a hello as i moved closer
and rub her lips back and forth on me
offering love kisses
until suddenly, not just a nip
she bit hard

after school we would disappear back into the woods for hours
i would leave the saddle hanging on a branch in the tree
riding bareback, just her and me
sometimes we would just meander
other times she would take off as fast as possible
in stride, moving as one
pure power
in sync for an instant
and yes, her wild was unpredictable
mid gallop she suddenly started to buck and snort and kick
though usually i could go for the ride
one time i could not
off i went, over her head
and i lay there on the ground a while
this time it was me who was broken

she stopped and came back
and stood over me
looking at me
curious

as if to say-
what the hell happened to you?

Kate Randall
forbidden

from Kate:

on the topic of wild
when the grown ups weren't around
we loved jumping on the beds
it was forbidden which made it even more fun
upstairs on the third floor at my grandmother's house
we would jump from bed to bed
sense of buoyancy and delight
moments of freedom
squeals of laughter
sweaty and spent
breathless
ecstatic
#innerwild

photo by Winky Lewis

Kate Randall
lovesong

from Kate:
on the topic of wild
late last night i got quiet enough to be able to identify unfamiliar sounds i had been hearing ... owls ... for the first time two owls in conversation just outside my window ... i could barely hear them so i opened the window and they continued their song back and forth, one lower and one higher, one slower and one faster ... layering one over the other in a constant rhythm .... and for over an hour i lay there and listened until i finally fell asleep ... it was an exquisitely beautiful love song

it's hard to put into words the incredible sense of well-being i have when i find my way into my own love song with the world around me
#innerwild

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owlwoman portrait.jpeg
Kate Randall
dancing circles

from Kate:
on the topic of wild
last weekend i danced and danced
danced with eyes closed
danced my grief and my sadness
danced in swirling sufi circles
until i felt my heart free
gesture leading to gesture
my own medicine

pondering the question of who am i
when no one is looking?
how do i move when i am alone?
my body knows how to move to become free again
my body has its own knowing
its own wild wild wisdom
i can tap into it
when i slow myself down enough
to listen

Kate Randall
paradox

from Jennifer:
I love the paradox in this photo. It must have taken a certain amount of strength and stamina to sit there serenely. Her wildness in silence matching that of all those boys combined.

Kate Randall
stillness

from Jennifer:
This time around, I keep feeling a stillness that can come with the inner wild child. There is a readiness and an ease.

If you looked at movies from my childhood, you would not see any obvious signs of a wild child, but rather a sweet, rather shy kid with a book in hand.

Yet, even so, she was with me. I could feel her in the fierce stillness right before a race, when I wanted to beat the only boy faster than me in class.

I could feel her when I was 12 in the quiet aftermath when I realized I had just flung a boy across the yard when he came at me wanting to fight.

I could feel her when I flew kites and created comics with my best friend.

So here’s the thing. Each of us has an inner wild child. She may just look different than our ideas about her. This immersion is about having a container to let her emerge and show her sparkles. www.inner-wild.com. #innerwildchild

Kate Randall
abandon

from Jennifer:
Kids really are the best teachers. I was looking through some old photos and videos and stumbled across a favorite memory. This was probably six years ago and I had my daughter and her cousins help me paint a lifeguard chair in our backyard. The painting quickly devolved into body painting, face painting, wild-banshee, foot-stomping, circling dancing, naked sprinting, and complete wild abandon. I kept my clothes on, grabbed the camera and caught it on film.

I can't share the video, or my daughter will disown me. However, the joy and challenge in the eyes of these fiery girls comes effortlessly. That light is also what seems to dim over time as the indomitably fun women I know pile on responsibility, stress, and a 24/7 lifestyle, with not enough room for wild abandon. I am looking forward to following the spunk in these girls to bring back that spontaneous, irrepressible spirit.

Kate Randall
permission

from Kate:
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"

—Mary Oliver

Sometimes when I play with kids, I surprise them with a ridiculous question or an improbable statement just to see if they are paying attention. They pause, look at me to see if I'm serious, and then they explode in delight because I am being silly. This sense of play, spontaneity and joy is at the core of what we are up to with the Inner Wild Child Immersion. Expect to look at things from a different standpoint. Be ready to turn it all upside down. Let go of what is predictable and known and invite in an element of chance and synchronicity. The playfulness is a portal into a sense of permission.

photo by Winky Lewis

Kate Randall
I am the spark

from Jennifer:

I am the spark. I have a deep well of creation inside of me. Ingenious ideas that pour out in my dreams and meditations then hide and cower behind my fear during the daylight hours.

The greater the impulse, the stronger the idea, the larger the fear. It's a circle that is anything but virtuous and is encased by a world of "what ifs." Where is the magic wand that unlocks the buried treasure?

She comes as my Inner Wild Child. She is the ignition that propels me from stasis to motion. It’s the small explosion of light that shows me the way from hidden to expression. It is the part of me that defies my resistance and my “what if’s.” I haven't named her, though I might. Beyonce did, when she created Sasha Fierce, as a way to give herself the courage to be free and sexy while performing.

While I'm not performing at the Super Bowl this year, my inner wild child emboldens me to risk exposure, to take the chance that by bringing my ideas to life, people will see who I actually am, through my creations.

You, too, are the spark.

In love and wildness, Jen
www.inner-wild.com

Kate Randall
you are the spark

from Jennifer:
As a kid, I loved creative endeavors, but I gave them up at age 7.  My sense of my own creativity was squashed early on.  After a few scribbled paintings, I was told that I was better off sticking to academics and sports.  I believed the feedback.   Instead, I hung out with creative people and riffed off their energy, joking that I couldn't draw a stick figure. 

When Kate Randall and I led our Inner Wild Child Immersion last year, she guided the group to their inner wild child through art.  I was standing on the sidelines when she encouraged me to be a participant.  I had not painted anything since I was little.  I was nervous.  I mean, as a co-leader, I was suppose to look like I knew what I was doing.  And what I knew for certain was that I was bad at art.  

But something happened when I grabbed the paintbrush.  There were no rules.  There was no goal or intended outcome.  It was liberating.  I grabbed every color on the floor and went for it.  I smashed paint, dribbled it, colored over it, squished it up and spread it out.  I stomped on my canvas and I caressed it.  I scribbled outside all the lines.  When I was done, something had let go.  I felt whole and satiated.

It was at that point, I realized the deep primal need to create and to express without rules.  I also recognized that I had been creating my whole life.  It just didn't look like art.  My favorite jobs were ones that I got to shape and build something.  I created programs out of scratch, I invented metric systems to evaluate intangibles, developed profiles for the right executives for new industries.  My beliefs about creative endeavors had been far too limited.  Everyone has a need to create.  As I went through the timeline of my life, I have been at my best and happiest when I've sparked something.  When I brought something to the world that was not there before.  When we create, we are liberated.  

"Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid

Kate Randall
improv

from Jennifer:
I was reflecting on a conversation with a good friend today. She's in the process of discovering her inner wild through Improv. She's always been the smartest person in the room - she's brilliant - and people listen to her. As she described why she wanted to do improv, I loved her answer (I'm paraphrasing).

"I suck at improv. I did a year ago when I started and I still am not good. But that's not the point. What I've realized is that I can get up there, say something that flops and makes me look bad, and I don't die. The world doesn't end. I don't have to be the smart person all the time."

"I have discovered that improv is a way to find my voice without apology."

Yes.

Finding my voice without apology. Moving out of our quiet comfort zones of hiding in the shadows to make way for our supernova. The one that was born to be seen and have a voice in the world. The one that allows us complexity and risk and gives us the chance to come out from behind our shields of perfection.

Thanks, Ali K.

Kate Randall